Surrender

Luck, Coincidence, or God?

2011-12-21T22:18:00.000-06:00

A link over to my December post at Simply Cy-Fair...

(And stay tuned. Tomorrow is our all-day baking extravaganza. I have thoroughly cleaned our kitchen in preparation for making a disaster.)

Chances Are...

2011-12-19T23:43:00.001-06:00

If you spend five and a half hours putting a whopping total of 94 box braids in your twin daughters' hair on a Sunday afternoon...

Chances are, you're going to want to go buy them some new Christmas headbands to dress up the look.

If you go to Claire's to buy your twin daughters head bands to dress up their box braids for Christmas, chances are that they will choose two very different looks...

Once your sweet daughters have finally made their headband decisions, chances are, since it is the week before Christmas, you will be waiting in a long line to make your purchase...

And if you have to wait in a long line to make your purchase, chances are...your daughters will find other things for you to purchase.

And if you agree to purchase the earrings, chances are good that your daughters will push the envelope a little more and beg you for some expensive nail polish. Which will also happen to be on sale.

And chances are that they will each want completely different colors.

If another customer is still in front of you in line, chances are that you will agree to purchase the nail polish.

Once you have agreed to purchase the headbands, earrings, and nail polish, chances are it will be your turn to pay before you have a moment to think better of it.

When you get home, completely broke, chances are your daughters will want to pose for you.

If they want to pose for you, chances are that they will attempt to look sweet and sophisticated and model-esque.

But chances are better that their true colors will beam through and the beauty in the hearts will far outshine the box braids you spend 5.5 hours putting in, the adorable Christmas headbands, and the overpriced earrings.

Still, tomorrow you will probably agree to paint their nails anyway.

Memorial Box Monday: Financial Provision

2011-12-12T07:00:00.000-06:00

In February, I shared the first of four stories about God's financial provision in our lives. In case you hadn't noticed, I've slowed down on the blogging front. But I just have to share these stories, and I'm thrilled that Linny over at A Place Called Simplicity has restarted the Memorial Box Monday posts! Today I will share a second story of miraculous provision in our lives.

As many of you already know, my husband first became ill in 2007. He was completely disabled from work for over a year before he started getting back on his feet. During that time, we received Social Security Disability benefits each month. In January 2010, things were looking up. N's health was on the upswing, and our finances were fairly decent. Then we received a letter.

According to Social Security, we had been overpaid in benefits, and we owed them $9,000.

We disputed the claim, and then we waited.

Many months later, some time in the fall, we received a very formal and foreboding sounding letter asking that N appear at the Social Security office on a specific date and time. We had no idea what this could mean. N theorized that perhaps we would now be asked to give back all the benefits we had received--not just the $9,000. Maybe we had done something wrong in the paperwork, or misunderstood what we were entitled to. We prayed hard in the days leading up to the appointment, and I waited all morning to hear from my husband.

"How did it go?" I asked him when he finally called me.

I still remember his bewildered tone as he answered me. "It went so well that I don't even want to tell you about it over the phone. I'm not sure if I even believe it's real. Can you meet me for lunch?"

The girls and I hopped in the car and headed to meet him and hear the news. On the way, I speculated about what the good news could be. The best news I could think of was that we did not need to pay the $9,000 back. But it had to be bigger than that. I started wondering...maybe we were due more than we had received.

If so, how much more could it be? And if that was true, I wondered, what would we do with the money? Money we had not earned, and money that we could definitely use but did not necessarily need? By this time, N was back at work full-time. I felt kind of guilty about the possibility of receiving more money. And that's when I had one of those moments. You know what I'm talking about...where something just makes sense.

I thought, wouldn't it be cool if we could set extra money aside and allocate it to our trip to Ethiopia? N and I have a desire and long-term plan of one day traveling to Ethiopia with our kids and doing some kind of meaningful work there. Of course, airfare for six people to Ethiopia will cost around $12,000+, and then we'd get there and we'd be broke. So until that little moment in the car, the plan had really always just been a dream.

Still, I shrugged off the thought as quickly as it came. It was, after all, likely an idea that made sense only to me. No way would my husband go for that. Extra money should be socked away for college and weddings and missed months of work. Not trips to Ethiopia that may never actually happen. And, anyway, I was sure Social Security could not possibly informing us that we had been UNDERpaid.

We met at the restaurant and N told me that the Social Security Officer he met with explained that our case had been denied.

Well, initially, anyway.

You see, the paperwork was in a file ready to be mailed out, and this Social Security Officer told N that he didn't really have any occasion to look at it. But it somehow came across his desk, so he took a quick look at it and realized that "something just wasn't right."

Upon investigating further, he discovered that we had actually only been overpaid by one month, and so only owed $1,700 instead of $9,000.

But he also noticed that we had 2 dependents, and we'd never applied for benefits for them. So we were due benefits for our sons...back-payed to us from a span of 18 months.

The amount was significant. After he spilled the beans, we both just kind of stared at each other in disbelief. I said something like, "Wow. I can't even believe it. That's just crazy!" And then....AND THEN....let me just tell you....I remember every word my husband said.

He said, "I know. And I was thinking....tell me honestly what you think about this. We didn't earn this money. I feel kind of guilty about even taking it. But what if we put it aside and started that fund for our trip to Ethiopia?"

Guess that plan is not a pipe dream after all.

In my Memorial Box, I am adding copies of the two checks we received several months later, which we have set aside in that Ethiopia account, waiting for the day God says we get to make that trip.

Why I Eat.

2011-11-21T22:06:00.000-06:00

It's time. Again. Time to reach for the fruits and veggies and put on my walking sneakers. Because the jeans are all tight, with not much improvement even a day or two out of the dryer.

It's too bad that I've been so focused on food lately. My most recent inspiration sparked while cleaning out my pantry. I came across a recipe book I bought years ago, and only used once. Once or twice a month, I figured, I could try a new dessert recipe. Tonight it was from-scratch brownies with from-scratch chocolate frosting.

I never knew there was such a thing as too much chocolate, but there is, and it's this brownie. That has not stopped me from eating several squares tonight.

In an effort to inspire myself to say no to gluttony, I have decided to examine my indulgence triggers:

Why I Eat

1. Because I am a procrastinator.

(Two weeks ago, I procrastinated all weekend and never did get around to putting their hair into buns for ballet.)

2. Because food goes well with laughter.

(Check out Aaliyah--wearing Noah's Spiderman robe, hair style halfway done, complete with a fairy devil costume and a pair of fashion glasses.)

3. Because food is an effective stress reliever.

(Kai at Urgent Care the other night - an IV and everything for what the doc there said was a stomach blockage. Shortly after I took this picture, Kai was in an ambulance headed to Texas Children's Hospital for possible surgery, and I was driving behind him wishing I had a big fat cheeseburger. Yes, while most parents would be too panicked to eat, I was suddenly famished. Thankfully, he just had a tummy bug.)

4. Because eating goes well with reading.

(I love this Thankful Heart Kai made in school. Notice the church in the center of his heart??)

(And how could a mom read this sweet nugget and not reach for a donut? "One of my secrets closest to my heart is that I love my twin sisters...")

5. See #3.

(Noah's spelling words were "while," "stick," and "knife.")

(For the record, sentence #4 is his replacement for sentence #3.)

6. Self Explanatory.

7. Because food makes all of life's sweet moments a tad bit sweeter.

(The kids were enthralled with the Ipod Noah just saved enough money to buy himself.)

(I know--I am ghastly white. I was so sick that night, but we were going to Disney on Ice for the first time, so I had to suck it up!)

(Love this Halloween pic)

(Oh, the faces!)

Unfortunately, there is no end in sight. Thanksgiving is coming, after all. And this year we have quite a spread planned. Aside from the expected turkey and homemade stuffing, I'm already drooling over the impending Pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, cake, and key lime pie. Okay, maybe not so much the key lime pie. That's N's choice.

Since I can't seem to curb my eating, I'm mulling over the idea of starting to exercise again. What a concept. The problem is that in my limited spare time, I'd much rather eat and sit on my duff than expend more energy.

So maybe I will just let myself enjoy a few more weeks of indulgence before I get back on the diet bandwagon.

Red Light. Green Light.

2011-10-26T22:25:00.000-05:00

I don’t understand how October is almost over and not a trace of fall can be found anywhere. No brisk breeze in the air (except those few glorious days last week before we returned to our regular temperatures - nicer yes, but still not fall). Not a red leaf in sight. Nope. The weeds are still growing in the garden beds at a maddening rate, and I am still avoiding the outdoors.

But my daughters are very different from me. While I always preferred to hunker down indoors and play with my Cabbage Patch Dolls, my daughters would play outside all day long every day if they could. Hot, cold, or in between—it matters not. They are in tune with nature. For a couple of weeks now, they’ve been mentioning a bike ride.

Now, we’ve braved short walks around the block, and spend many hours in the backyard drawing with chalk, playing on the playground, and making all sorts of contraptions with several broken jump ropes. We’ve worked on throwing, catching, and batting a baseball. We’ve done a little soccer, and tried a little badminton. But the last time I attempted a bike ride was the week before school went back in session.

That morning I had the bright idea to accompany all four of the little critters to the donut shop. It was hotter than I thought it would be. The ride took longer than I thought it would take. And, while my oldest son zoomed around on his bike in happy independence, and my younger son tried not to complain as he attempted to keep up with the pack…the girls….

Well, they shaved years off my life. Maybe an entire decade. They see danger, and they gravitate toward it. They see speed, and they try to capture it. They see a very steep hill... and they forget how to use their brakes.

Click here to link over to the Simply Cy-Fair blog and read the rest. :)

Personality

2011-10-18T23:21:00.000-05:00

My friend Erika, who took all the amazing photos gracing the header and side bar of this little blog, has a truly special and rare talent. As a photographer, she does not just capture the most beautiful physical traits of her subjects...she captures their hearts. I have just been dying to share, but as I told a friend in an e-mail today...I keep running out of time in my day. (I wonder how that happens.)

Erika captured so many beautiful pictures of my kiddos that I am splitting this post into two: Personalities & Portraits. Today's photos are the personality photos.

(In case you couldn't tell.)

Proud and sweet big brother with limitlessly happy Rayne.

The whole goofy troop.

Impish Aaliyah.

I don't know what look they were going for, but this picture cracks me up.

The wild boys. (The girls are actually more wild, but don't tell the guys I said that. I do not need a competition to ensue.)

Rayne. Forever the joker.

Noah, with a smile so big sometimes you can barely see his eyes.

Next time, I'll share my favorite portraits. Those ones were the pics I oohed and awed over in the beginning, but these one...the ones that show their inner beauty, their happy spirits...these are the ones that keep drawing me back into the file folder for a little happy pick-me-up.

All is well...

2011-10-17T20:23:00.002-05:00

An update about the "I'm not allowed to sit next to anyone with black skin" incident...

The hubby was home today, so I decided to drop by the gymnastics place rather than make a phone call. I was armed with a solid prayer and some good advice from two of my sisters. I met with the director and told her that we'd had a little incident on Sunday, and explained what had happened.

She nodded as I spoke, and then told me she had heard about the incident first thing this morning from another member of the staff, who is the wife of one of Kai's coaches. She explained that immediately after class, the coach discussed the incident with the boy's mother, and the child's mother was "mortified and embarrassed." She told the coach she had no idea why her son had said that, or how he had come up with it. I can understand that. He was probably only around 6, and you never know what kinds of strange ideas your kid will come up with.

The director apologized and assured me that they had taken care of the incident. I thanked her and told her that my main reason for coming was just to ask that the child's mother be notified so that we can avoid any further issues.

However, I also suggested that 1) if any further incidents occurred--with my son or with anyone else, for that matter--the parent of the child should be notified (I never would have known if Kai had not told me about it); and 2) that a different approach be taken should another such incident occur.

I told her that in trying to diffuse the situation by allowing the child to move, the coaches inadvertently signaled to the other children that maybe moving away from my son, or anyone with black skin, was the right or okay thing to do. The director wholeheartedly agreed, and told me that following the incident, she had begun to make preparations for the staff to undergo "sensitivity training."

That said, I am relieved. I am happy that I did not jump the gun and freak out, and I am happy that the gym is taking my concerns seriously. I hate, hate, HATE confrontations. The very last thing I wanted to do this morning was enter that gym and bring the issue up. But we do what we have to do to protect our children. And hopefully I won't have to do anything like this again for a long, long while.

Boiling

2011-10-16T15:21:00.002-05:00

Today Kai went to a bar camp at the facility where he does gymnastics. Two hours later, back in the car, he said to me, "Someone said something to me that I had never heard before."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"We sat in our circle, and he started crying, and the coach asked what was wrong. He said, "I don't want to sit next to him." And he pointed at me. The coach asked why not, and he said, "My mom told me I'm not allowed to sit next to anyone with black skin."

Kai said the coaches looked "astonished." Yes, that is the word my 8-year-old used. He said they weren't very nice to the kid and it "seemed like they knew that was not an okay thing to say."

But they did let the kid move away from my son.

WHAT???!!!!

Kai begged me not to go back in. He was embarrassed. I want him to be able to tell me these things, so I told him I was glad he told me, and I wouldn't go in, but that I would have to call and try to resolve this problem. I just can't let that go.

Of course, their phones are not on, so now I have to wait until tomorrow to call. I am happy for any suggestions when I call. At first, I thought the coaches should not have let the kid move. But then again, if I was Kai, I would not have wanted to sit next to the kid after that. He told me the same thing. He said, "I was relieved when he moved because after he said that, I didn't even want to sit next to him."

I am boiling. And that is an understatement. It is probably good that I can't get a hold of anyone today. I am open to advice on how to handle this...calling first thing tomorrow.

Fun, Fat Fall.

2011-10-15T19:50:00.000-05:00

It's been fall for three weeks, but you wouldn't know it. The high 80s in mid-October is downright depressing.

So on Tuesday I baked pumpkin bread.

And even though the boys were full of sweat when they walked in the door from school, there's just something about the scent of pumpkin baking that helps cancel out a few degrees of the never ending heat.

Only two weeks until Halloween and I just haven't been able to bring myself to break out the decorations. But we did buy the costumes.

Abby will be a skeleton this year. She is thrilled. (Actually, she wouldn't eat for two days, and I was afraid she would starve herself to death, so we have retired the costume and only plan to put her through the embarrassment for a few more hours on the 31st.)

That's just a sneak preview. For the record, Abby's is the only costume I got to pick. Despite the fact that I was the one wielding the cash. (How does that work?)

The boys were not going for the hot dog costume, and the girls refused to be witches or bunnies or bumble bees. But we do have a mean looking ninja, a powerful Green Lantern, a pretty ballerina, and a hot pink Bat girl ready to make their debut. It cost a fortune.

Next year, they are all going to be ghosts. Four white kitchen trash bags and a pair of scissors sounds like a fantastically thrifty plan. Feel free to wave this post in my face next year when my follow-through fails.

The other night the school had its annual fall fundraiser, and I caught this pic of the girls. They still latch on to each other in new situations. They don't even realize they do it.

This morning, we had an early soccer game (to which we were late).

(Incidentally, we were creamed so totally by the other team that as one of our balls slowly rolled toward the goal, the defending goalie actually purposely lifted his foot to allow our team to score a goal.)

Then it was off to the pumpkin patch, where we snapped the requisite pictures.

And now, after seeing all those pumpkins, I am starting to crave pumpkin bread again. I will do you a favor and not post the recipe. Trust me, you don't want to bake it. The week before I made the pumpkin bread, I lost two pounds using myfitnesspal.com. The week of the notorious pumpkin bread, I gained back the two pounds. Plus one. You do the math.

A Treat to Myself.

2011-10-03T21:49:00.002-05:00

I have been doing too much and expecting too much out of myself. By Wednesday of last week, the walls were caving in. The house was a wreck. The kids were a wreck. The hubby's illness was a wreck. I was a wreck. In fact, that evening I suddenly felt so ill that I had to send one of my piano students home mid-lesson. I struggled through Thursday, and then Friday came.

I'd really been looking forward to it, and I was not disappointed.

You see, on Friday my girls went to a very fun place where they got to be be princesses for four hours.

I promise that Aaliyah did NOT want a tiara.

Love these curls!

Aaliyah (Belle)

Rayne (Cinderella)

Belle shows off on stage.

And I got to eat breakfast at Chickfila, grab a Starbucks java chip frap, and head to the hair salon, where I got a cut, highlights, and had my hair straightened for the first time in my 32 years. :)

Have no fear, the hair is back to curls again, but the girls are still on a princess-high, and I am still reaping the benefits of those four hours, in the middle of the day, where I took a little tiny break from Mommyhood.

(Even if I'm still doing too much, and even if my house is still a wreck, and even if I'm still pooped.)

Humble Pie

2011-09-27T22:40:00.004-05:00

I thought I was just really good at it.

Kai was speaking full sentences with crystal clear English within 2 weeks of coming home. He was two and a half years old.

Noah learned his alphabet at 18 months and was reading 1st grade books at age four.

I admit to my pride. And now, I humbly repent.

Because for 15 months (has it really been that long?), I have been trying to teach the girls that the alphabet is pronounced A B C D E F G--not A P D D Key Ep Chee.

Well, that's not really true. For the first year, we sang the full alphabet. Slow enunciation, forming my letters with exaggerated lip shapes. Thank you, Lord, that you are all not flies on my walls. I am sure I look like a lunatic.

Recently, I decided that since my full alphabet approach was not working, we would work on A through G. Today, we hit a break through. One out of at least five times, the girls are able to pronounce all seven letters correctly.

Kind of.

(If you don't count how long they hold the "FFF" sound in F and how far their teeth protrude over their bottom lips when they say it. Also, if you ignore the extra sounds they insert into the letter C. Their most common is SSSSSS...Tee! Followed by sssssss....Pee! Fifty percent of the time, they just give up and say "D." Way easier.

So while learning to pronounce the letters, we are also learning how to recognize the letters. And yes, sometimes we trace and draw them and when I am feeling REALLY ambitious (say, once a month), I even let them glue cheerios onto the letters.

But mostly, we practice recognizing them.

A piece of our conversation today. Note: I am holding up a big card with a cow on it and the letter C.

"What is this letter?"

Aaliyah: sssssssssssssssssss.........TEE!

Rayne: ssssssssssssssssss.....CHEE!

[insert a minute of practicing the sound "see"]

"And what does C say?"

Aaliyah: sssssssssss

Rayne: B

"Hmmm. Well, what animal is this?"

Aaliyah: cow!

"Yes. And what does the beginning of C-ow say? What sound do you hear in C-ow?" (emphasizing the hard c sound)

Aaliyah: MOOOOOOO!

"Well, that is what a cow says with his mouth, but what sound do you hear at the beginning of the word Cow? C-ow."

Blank stares.

"What sound do you make when you want to say C-ow?'

Rayne: "Hello, cow!"

Thus was the end of learning time today. You can guess why I do not do this every day. Well, that's just one excuse. The other is that four kids is harder than two. Our bigger house take longer to clean than our first little townhouse. There is so much more fun to be had than learning letters. I have discovered a new-found zest for napping. I could go on and on.

The point is, while I prided myself for having sent two strong readers into kindergarten, I am eating my humble pie. I will be thrilled if by next year they can write their first names in all capital letters and recognize the letters of the alphabet. Maybe I will just strive for sending them both to school with good hair. Most days.

"I think it's weird that you're black..."

2011-09-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

We were living in Bangkok, Thailand. I was 6 or 7 years old and spent much of my time outdoors there, running around the American compound throwing water balloons, jumping in the pool, and chasing lizards. (Actually, I mainly watched my older brother chase the lizards.) My hair was so sun-bleached it was almost white--and with its humidity-poofed curls, I'm sure I almost glowed.

That's how I drew the crowd on that hot, hot day during a family trip up country to Chiang Mai. We had stopped for lunch, I think. I remember a few children sidling up next to me. They stared at me in fascination and then began to gently touch my hair. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but within seconds I was surrounded--by children and adults alike. They all wore fascinated smiles and chattered in a language I could not understand, but all I felt was different, and I burst into tears.

My mom rescued me from the group and explained to me that they had likely never seen someone with such light hair and skin before. I remember that moment, because I looked up and realized that every single one of them had very tan skin and dark, straight hair. We'd been living in Thailand for at least a year at that point--and I had never noticed that before.

The other day my third grader came home from school and said a kid in class told him:

"I think it's weird that you're black and your mom is white."

When I think about the moment my son heard those words directed at him, I remember that moment of panic in Thailand, when I was just a little younger than he is. A moment where I felt so vastly different and so traumatically singled out that I just wanted to hide.

Some days when I think about the many issues my children may face regarding not just their race but our family's racial diversity...well, I start looking for a paper bag.

Thankfully, those prayer verses keep resonating in my heart.

Pray continually.
I will, and especially for my children's hearts.

Pray continually.

2011-09-21T21:56:00.001-05:00

I had one of those rare moments of epiphany the other day and wrote about it on the Worship Wednesday blog at Simply Cy-Fair. But it was too exciting not to share here, too!

As a side note for when you click over to the other post: I truly believe with all of my heart that God planned all three (actually 5!) miracles before I ever fasted for them...but I think He's using that moment now to remind me of the following verse:

Pray continually.

Thessalonians 5:16

Yup, it's its very own verse. Two words.

And then that verse reminded me of another favorite, which I had to look up because the only thing I could remember was "by prayer and petition, present your requests to God."

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

(Am I the only one who needed to read that verse today?)

Hop over to the Wednesday blog at Simply Cy-Fair to read about the miracles that got me to thinking a lot about prayer lately:)

Happy 7th to My Baby Boy

2011-09-20T23:23:00.001-05:00

He's not so much a baby anymore, but he's the youngest baby I've ever raised.

His huge eyes and gigantic, drooly smile cracked us up when he was a baby.


Now, at 7, he's still got big, happy eyes, and that same huge smile (that is, at times, still drooly--but don't tell him I told you!) He's one happy, funny little guy.

For Noah's 7th birthday, he opted to stick around the house. I can hardly believe it: a 7-year-old boy who would rather kick back with the family than go to ChuckECheese! We started the day with donuts and kolaches at a nearby playground (YUCK - YOOHOO. He never gets that drink. Have you read the calories or ingredients?), where we played family freeze tag. Daddy had to sit out a few rounds because he's been pretty sick lately, be we held up pretty well.

Then it was home to open presents. We hid several around the house with clues, which he thought was a blast. I caught his hilarious personality in some of these photos...

His first bit of birthday money. Thanks, Aunt Beth. We hid it among our DVDs.

Getting a kick out of the card Grandma sent.

In love with his very own, big bag of spicy Cheetos (DOUBLE YUCK). Thanks, Grammy.

Enjoying his loot.

His was, by far, the cheapest birthday we've ever done. He wanted pool toys, which are all on clearance right now. He wanted a remote control helicopter, which I found online for $20...and the rest was just small, fun stuff: Clue Jr., magic tricks, travel Simon, a movie, video game, and a couple of books.

After gifts, we had a family video game tournament. Then it was on to a late lunch at TX Roadhouse, where I had a great coupon. Back home to play games and watch a movie, eat cake, and read a story.

Happy Birthday to my happy little homebody. What a blast it is to watch him grow up.

Another Sister.

2011-09-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

My heart has been heavy for three days. I have been checking my cell phone at least every hour, just in case I missed the call. My feet race straight to the kitchen to check for the blinking red light on our message machine any time I come home from being out.

The phone call hasn't come. And I keep wondering why.

Will it ever come?

Last year, we had the privilege of meeting our sons' birth family in Ethiopia. I can still feel the tight embrace of Kai and Noah's oldest sister as she clung to me and rocked from side to side. I can see the hope and relief and joy shining in their birth father's eyes. We learned more than we could have hoped to learn last year about our sons' life before us. We met their two younger brothers, brothers we had not known even existed. And we learned about an older sister who had been adopted to America a few months before Kai and Noah.

I took notes with a shaking hand on the piece of paper full of questions I had printed out before we left for our trip.

Last week, I was working through yet another pile of miscellaneous papers that needed to be tossed, filed, or otherwise dealt with--and that paper full of notes came to my attention. My first thought was, 'I'd better type these up and save them before I can't read my writing anymore.' So I dropped the rest of the pile where it was in my office and got on my laptop. I typed up the notes, and was reminded about this little girl, my sons' biological sister, somewhere in America.

I felt a sudden sense of urgency. I needed to start the search. We had an amazing story to share with her family, plus photos to boot! I contacted our adoption agency first, and they agreed to start searching to see if the child had been placed through them. Then I put the request out on Facebook. I watched with excitement as news spread and I began to receive e-mails from strangers with tips on places to search and people to contact. I began to contact other adoption agencies that were active in Ethiopia six years ago.

And then, the very next day, our agency called me back. "We found her." I was shocked, elated, and just a little guarded. What if the family wasn't interested in connecting? What if we had just passed along news to them that they didn't really want to hear?

Two days later, at 8:30 a.m. on Friday, I got another phone call from our agency. "I have been in contact with [the girl's] mother, and I expect you'll be hearing from her soon." He could not pass along any information about her. I don't know how old their sister is. I don't know what her American name is. I don't even know what state they live in. But our case worker assured me that the mother was open to connecting with us, and she intended on giving us a call.

I kept my cell phone charged and by my side at all times. Sure she would call at any moment. I put myself in her shoes...yes, I would definitely call as soon as I could. I reasoned that perhaps she was waiting until the evening, after her daughter was in bed. When the call didn't come Friday, I waited all day Saturday. I reasoned that she was trying to find a good time to call, or she had busy weekend plans. Surely she would call Sunday.

Still no call. And now I do have to face the possibility that she may not call. She may want to wait to share this kind of information with her daughter. She may never want to share it. I would love some prayer over this situation. Prayer that her heart will be stirred. Prayer that she will desire connection with us. Prayer that I will have peace in the wait, whether it be another day or another year or another decade.

The truth.

2011-09-13T22:58:00.001-05:00

Turns out that getting four kids to smile sweetly at one time is a lot harder than getting two to smile sweetly at one time. I love how Aaliyah's flashing everyone, too. A picture to remember, for sure, thanks to an awesome friend & photographer.

Anyway, you came here for the truth.

The truth is that I have fallen out of blogland and into the deep, dark abyss of Reality, AKA Raising Four Children is Exhausting.

The truth is also that I have arrived! If you've adopted, you know exactly what I mean. I have finally hit the season in which this all feels very normal. Where getting four children ready in the morning with teeth brushed and hair done (mine included) does not rival, oh, I don't know, doing a 2,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of strictly M&Ms. I have come to the place where I can take time to talk and cuddle and praise and chastise-without-freaking-out--because I have finally figured out how to keep all our clothes clean and how to feed all of us three times a day, plus snacks, without totally destroying the kitchen every five hours.

Usually. (See below.)

Another truth is that I deeply miss writing. I miss the outlet, especially during this time in which all of my creative and emotional energy gets sucked right into the vacuum that is my children, husband, and piano students, leaving me not much else but a vague idea that I have things I need to say and memories I want to record and thoughts I am compelled to express, and other things I want to DO besides washing 150 dishes by hand in one night.

Which I did do. That is also the truth. I counted.

(Because yesterday the kitchen sink backed up and when we opened the pipe under the sink to see what the problem was, oober-nasty water exploded all over everything. And, also, the dishwasher broke. The very same day. And it was full of dirty dishes. And so was the cabinet of plastic containers and lids and pitchers and odd-shaped bowls, because it was right next to the explosion-o-nasty-water.)

So, I'm not sure if I'm back to blogging once a week or not. Did I ever really do that anyway? But I had a moment this week when I realized that I have been looking into my daughters' eyes for 18 months. And I had to come on here and record how much they've changed. It's in the eyes...

March 2010 referral picture.

January 2011

August 2011

And I thought to myself...they have arrived, too.

Firsts for the Four

2011-08-23T23:35:00.002-05:00

The boys had a great first day of school!

And the girls had a great first ballet class!

Of course, I didn't get to tag along with my little men on their first day back to elementary school. So I made up for it by taking lots of mini video clips of the girls in their first dance class.

Too bad the videos show their classmates, so I shouldn't post it here.

Also too bad that it is 11:33 p.m., and therefore, 3 minutes past my self-imposed school-year bedtime.

'Night, Ya'll.

Mission Accomplished.

2011-08-21T22:02:00.000-05:00

The Mission:

Transform this hair...

And this hair...

Into one of these...

And then cover each bun with one of these...

Mission accomplished!

I know I haven't been around much this summer. It was certainly a summer to remember. Tomorrow the boys head back to school, 1st and 3rd grade. And the girls attend their first dance class. My little munchkins are more than ready for the start of a new school year. New clothes sit on dressers upstairs, awaiting the early morning rush. New backpacks lean against the front door, parked next to new sneakers. New lunchboxes wait in the fridge, filled with sustenance for that first hard day back. Ballet leotards hang in the closet; tights and shoes sit on the shelf below.

Yup, everything is ready. And everyone seems ready to say goodbye to summer.

Except, maybe, for me.

Six Years Later

2011-08-15T00:24:00.003-05:00

Then...

Now...

I'm working on writing our 6-year post placement reports for the boys. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about their birth family. I plan to send a letter to the family along with the post placement report this year. But every time I sit down and stare at the blank screen in front of me, I can't seem to string together enough words to form even one sentence that conveys what I want to tell them.

I picture their birth father, the way he clutched Kai and Noah's photos to his chest. His enormous smile, the sheer joy and relief and hope and pride and happiness and thankfulness and love I could read in his eyes as he kissed their pictures and brought the pictures to each of his other children and to his wife so that they would also kiss their sweet faces.

In that moment, our families merged.

I think that's what I want to say, actually. Not so very complicated after all.

An Update on Proverbs

2011-07-21T22:32:00.004-05:00

If you want to check out my latest Proverbs findings during the month of July, I posted about it here at Simply Cy-Fair. :o)

Don't Read this if you are on a Diet!

2011-07-15T22:06:00.004-05:00

Just when I thought I'd found the best Boston Creme donut in America, my sister and my mom brought me to the Amish Market.

If you know me, you know I am a sucker for cakes and donuts and pies. I have never seen anything like this place in my life.

Oh me, oh my!

The kids and I agreed that we'd never tasted a donut so delicious in our lives. Homemade, from-scratch goodness.

Rayne and Aaliyah chose the M&M donuts.

Kai matched my Boston Creme.

Noah enjoyed a Triple Chocolate donut.

The spur-of-the-moment trip to the Amish Market was a sweet ending to a fun day at a nearby Wildlife Reserve, where I was reminded of more things I miss about Maryland: namely, forests tall enough to provide a canopy of shade, and weather mild enough to venture outdoors in the middle of July with no swimming pool or splash pad in sight.

And, just for fun, I love this picture of the girls with their teenage cousin. I turned to see them both with arms raised, hoping to be picked up...

And, sweetie that he is, he obliged. :)

However, just FYI, those tall forests come with an abundance of deer ticks, of which two tried to plant themselves on poor Kai, who is now officially traumatized by forests and tall grass. Strike one for Maryland.

Home, Sweet Home?

2011-07-13T22:19:00.004-05:00

I've been MIA because the kids and I are on a long vacation. It's been 18 months since I've been back to my hometown in Maryland. Before we had the girls, I made it back to MD twice a year. The cost of the adoption kept that from happening for a period, and then the girls were too new, and then...well, it's a lot more expensive to travel with four kids than it is to travel with two.

So this year, my Mom flew out to Texas, and we took a road trip back across the country! The jury is still out on whether or not the drive will wind up being any more cost effective than flying. I'll let you know. (I am sure you will be waiting on the edge of your seat.)

I was thinking today about how much Maryland still feels like home to me. We've been living in Texas for 5 years, but Maryland still owns a bigger piece of my heart. Of course, Texas has lots of things that Maryland does not have. Particularly, big houses with lots of yard and mortgage payments that don't send you straight to bankruptcy.

Also, kolaches. Do you know I'd never heard of one until we moved?

Then there are the splash pads and the winters that don't even get close to causing frostbite.

But, Maryland has these...

Oh, Utz brand potato chips, how I love thee. And to think that I had almost convinced myself that the Kroger brand sour cream and onion potato chips were a decent substitute to the Utz brand.

Oh, and then there are these...

These chocolate chip muffins are so moist, and they are just from the local Safeway. But the Safeway bakery...YUMMO. Excuse me while I wipe the drool from my chin.

More to come on what I miss about Maryland (I promise I miss more than just the food). In the meantime, a recap of our adventure so far.

Day 1: On the road, and arriving for the night in Mobile, Alabama, where we enjoyed a dip in the pool before bed.

Day 2: Bad, bad day on the road. A 500-mile trip turned into a 17-hour nightmare in which I dropped my camera in the ocean and we were stuck in hours of traffic, only to arrive at out hotel somewhere around 1 in the morning to find we had been "upgraded" to king rooms instead of the two queens per room we'd reserved to accommodate the six of us. I'm sure you can guess why I have no photos of Day 2.

Day 3: Disney World! Despite the rain and running on very little sleep, we managed to stay until 10 p.m.

Before

During

After

Days 4&5: An overnight in South Carolina and then our final destination!

Since then: Walking the local mall with my parents and sister and nieces and nephews...A free showing of Marmaduke...Trying not to die while training with my sister Mary Ellen for the half-marathon Shirlee roped me into, making plans with old friends, and spending lots of time with family.

Maybe it's really Family I miss about being in Maryland.

But the food runs a close second.

"Don't worry, New Shoes."

2011-07-02T13:14:00.001-05:00

We bought these shoes for Kai about four months ago.

They don't look so horrible from the top view. But when you flip them and take a look at the toe-end...

Yeah, that's how they both looked.

And they've been that way since about month two of owning the shoes. The short version of the very long drama is that our son went through a strange little phase of purposefully destroying clothing and shoes. The black shoes above were actually replacement shoes for the first pair that he destroyed. But he did not learn his lesson. So he had to continue wearing these black ones.

He had to wear them to school and on vacation, and all over the place--these shoes that he had cut the laces off of, ripped rubber from, and poked holes in. Until finally, he started to get a little embarrassed about these cruddy shoes. He begged me to let him buy his own pair of shoes. I made him wait it out a little...as in, for nearly three months. I showed him videos of kids who had no shoes. I showed him videos of kids receiving cruddy old shoes and jumping for joy.

Then, finally, yesterday, it was time.

Off we went to the store, coupon in hand, where we browsed the clearance rack and happened to make a great find.

I warned my child that if he destroyed these ones, he would 1) wear them until I agreed he could get new ones, and 2) pay for the new ones with his own money, which he would earn through chores like cleaning bathrooms and washing dirty dishes.

He was thrilled with the new shoes. He clutched the box to his chest as we marched up to the register, and as we approached to pay, I heard him whisper, "Don't worry, New Shoes. I'm going to take good care of you."

Midnight Happenings

2011-07-02T00:47:00.000-05:00

I just sent a quick e-mail to my family, and thought some of my friends here might appreciate it to...

It is after midnight. I should not be awake, as it was a busy day, and I even finished it up by ironing for nearly 3 hours straight.

However, a little bit ago, I was awoken by the sound of a door upstairs opening and then closing.

Normally, I would just roll over and go back to bed. But a couple of nights ago, someone peed on the floor in the bathroom in the middle of the night, used dirty clothes to clean it up, and then put all the sopping wet clothing in the hamper until we discovered it the next morning. There were also a few pieces of wet clothing on the floor in the corner of the boys' room.

(I think Noah did it, as he is our sleepwalker. Thank goodness we have an alarm on our house, or I'd never get to sleep at night. I have found him all over the place: on the staircase, in the hallway, in his closet, on the couch in the gameroom, and, one time, he was behind the door of his bedroom, which was really creepy--just FYI.)

Anyway, so upstairs I went tonight, turning on lights as I walked. The door to the boys' room was ajar, so I headed there first, peeking in the empty bathroom on the way. Noah, as predicted, was not in his bed. I called his name. Nothing. I double checked the bathroom. Not in there. I looked in one of the guest rooms. Nope. And then I opened the door to the girls' room.

There he was, being spooned by Rayne, who was being spooned by Aaliyah.

I burst out laughing, and they all started opening their eyes, looking at me quizzically. I ushered Noah back to bed. He and I were full of giggles. Then I stood up, which is when Kai, who is in the top bunk, opened his eyes. He jumped several inches and then burst into tears. Once I'd calmed him down, I went back to kiss the girls, who were having an argument about which one of them would hold the other. Finally, they decided neither of them would hold the other, and they turned away from each other, both of them sobbing.

It is now a half hour later, and they are all asleep. I, however, am wide awake. What is wrong with this picture?

Join Me in July!

2011-06-30T20:42:00.000-05:00

This is what I'm doing during the month of July (aside from our Big Road Trip--stay tuned!). Wanna join me? :)

The results are in: Identical Twins!

2011-06-29T16:48:00.000-05:00

I suppose I should have trusted my gut instinct from the first photo:

But when you really get to know them, they just look so different...

Nonetheless, I called the company that did the testing today, and they gave me the results over the phone: they are definitely identical twins. How fun! And nice to finally know!

It's Time.

2011-06-29T01:43:00.000-05:00

Taking the braids out was much more difficult than putting the braids in.

Hair Day tomorrow.

Sugar and Spice.

2011-06-26T14:10:00.000-05:00

The other day we went to another $1 movie. Love those in the summer. And this time, I remembered to smuggle in snacks, so I really did only spend $5. (The last time, I spent $28.)

Don't they all look so sweet?

I have decided that they are, for the most part, very sweet. All four of them.

But some days we see a bit more frogs, snails, and puppy dog tails and a bit less sugar and spice.

And it's not the boys causing the destruction.

Exhibit A

That would be a smiley face, drawn with orange highlighter, on my piano teaching chair. No one has admitted to this, but it is clearly the work of a 4-year-old female.

Exhibit B

That, friends, is a ripped up button on my 2-year-old, pristine piano bench. Well, it used to be pristine. Back before both of my daughters decided it would be fun to pick the leather away with their fingernails.

Exhibits C & D

Identical portions of the blinds snapped off from our front windows. These happened a few weeks apart. No one has admitted to this deed either, but they both occurred while the boys were at school. And I am fairly certain I did not grab the blinds and snap them off myself.

Exhibit E

About two months after Kai and Noah arrived home, Kai drew on the linoleum kitchen floor with washable crayon. After that, we never had another incident. I could not understand how parents could have recurring problems with children drawing on walls and furniture. Let's just say I've been put in my place.

My little girls are cute as pie.

But they can also be quick, sneaky, and unpredictable little balls of destruction.

Speaking of destruction, here is a lesson in WHY TO ALWAYS USE A SLEEP CAP.

I thought I'd let the girls sleep without their caps, since we were planning to take the braids out today. I mean, what damage could it do? YIKES.

It was a surprisingly easy fix, however: a dunk in water, a coating of conditioner, topped a spritz of shine, and Sugar and Spice were ready to go to church. Albeit, a little on the late side.

66 Days Until...

2011-06-24T22:59:00.001-05:00

That's right, dance class is heading our way. And yes, I bought them each two leotards. I couldn't help myself. I am sure I will be more thrifty about this kind of stuff next year, but I had zero self control. Actually, that is not entirely accurate. At first, I had THREE leotards per child in my cart. :)

Oh, and by the way, the braids have made it two weeks for Aaliyah and nearly that long for Rayne! I admit that they are more than past due in coming down. But I am pretty impressed by how well they've held up, especially considering that Rayne ripped off half her hair with the Velcro mitt and Aaliyah has been practicing somersaults since last Friday when the girls attended a day-long gymnastics camp. Oh, and we've been in the pool 3-4 times per week, too!

I am making them last through the weekend, and then I will let it all out over the next week before braiding it all over again before our big July vacation.

Exciting stuff over here, I tell you. :)

Lentils

2011-06-23T18:57:00.000-05:00

One more new dish. Again, thanks to Tisha for the recipe. I made a few tiny changes to this one, too. This one is EASY PEASY, very mild, and a personal favorite of mine.

What you need:

1 large onion, finely chopped in food processor (if you are also making the doro wot, just take the 1/3 portion of those onions and pop them in your pan)
3/4 of a can of diced tomatoes, pureed in food processor
32 oz or 4 cups of chicken broth
1/2 TBSP berbere (this makes the lentils very mild; increase if you want more spice)
1 3/4 cups red lentils

What to do:

Mix it all together, and cook uncovered for 20-40 minutes, until it is the consistency you desire. (Mine cooked 25 minutes.)

If your dish becomes too dry, feel free to add more chicken stock as needed.

Told you it was easy!

Doro Wot

2011-06-20T22:40:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I posted an Ethiopian recipe.

Tonight I finally made a Doro Wot dish that everyone loved. There were no leftovers. Thank you, Tisha, for the recipe! (I altered it just a tiny bit.) The recipe is a cinch (6 ingredients, and just 5 steps), but you need to leave time for it to cook. Takes around an hour once it's all in the pan.

What you need:

2* large onions, chopped finely in a food processor
8-12 chicken legs with skin removed (I did not have this much, so our meal consisted of 4 chicken legs and 1 large chicken breast)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 TBSP ground ginger
1/2 cup berbere (this is VERY spicy; reduce according to your taste!)
1 cup chicken stock (I think it could use another half cup to a full cup, if you have it to spare!)

What to do:

1. Heat oil in large pot over medium heat. Add onion. Cook for around 45 minutes, stirring occasionally until the onion looks mushy. Do not let the onions brown. If they begin to brown (mine did, oops), turn the heat down.

2. Add berbere and ginger; cook 5-10 minutes.

3. Add chicken stock and meat. Cook about an hour, until chicken is falling off bone easily.

4. Take chicken out of pot; let cool a little.

5. Pick meat off bone and return to sauce.

That's it! I made two other dishes tonight, but this was everyone's favorite.

* If you want to make a lentil dish, too, increase the onion count to 3, and after cooking for 45 minutes, take about 1/3 of the cooked onions and put in a separate pan to use for the lentil dish.

And the Summer Just Keeps Getting Better...

2011-06-19T23:54:00.000-05:00

Got back today from a four-day music teachers' convention.

I got to go all by myself.

A hotel room. With feather pillows.

All by myself.

Room service. Quiet time. Interesting classes. Amazing musical performances.

All. By. Myself.

I have no pictures because...well, because I was busy.

You know...pigging out, reading books, staring off into space and reacquainting myself with the sound of silence...

Nothing like a little time away to refresh a busy Mama Bear.

Now the kids and I wait two more weeks before our Grand July Adventure, where we will travel via the minivan back to my hometown, even making a 1-day stop in Disney!

I don't think I'll ever be ready for summer to end! (Feel free to throw those words back at me somewhere around mid-August.)

Hair Tragedy

2011-06-15T01:49:00.000-05:00

What does this simple, $5 kids' game have to do with a hair tragedy?

Well, for starters, the entire diameter of the VELCRO mitt is almost the exact diameter as my daughter's head.

Secondly, the VELCRO mitt is covered in....VELCRO.

I was happily reading on the patio while the kids played in the sun to dry off after some pool time (this is my new method of avoiding more laundry--ban the children from towels). Suddenly, I heard the giggle. The silly, look-at-me giggle. And when I saw Rayne, with the velcro mitt sitting atop her 2.5 hours of mini braids, the first thing I thought was, man, I'm going to have to redo a bunch of those.

But then I began to try to detach the child's hair from the velcro mitt and I realized we were in trouble.

Let met put it to you this way: I was so horrified that I did not even consider picking up the camera to document the event. Nearly 20 minutes passed before I freed her from the mitt, and her hair was a disaster. But that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was the sound of ripping, tearing, breaking hair. There was no help for it. It was shocking how deeply embedded the curls became. In retrospect, I wonder if dousing her head in some kind of oil would have helped. Probably just mixing conditioner with the water in her hair would have been a brilliant idea. But I panicked. And I don't plan on testing my hind-sight theories.

I spent some time on damage control tonight, but there is no help for the pieces of broken hair sticking out of her re-braided strands.

Well, no help except for time.

And a crematorium for the vile game of velcro ball toss.

Fraternal or Identical?

2011-06-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

I finally ordered the zygosity test to determine whether the girls are identical or fraternal twins.

Popped the saliva swabs in the mail today.

Should have the results in a week.

What do you think?

(For the record, I think fraternal.)

Teeny Weeny Box Braids--Take Two

2011-06-12T19:29:00.000-05:00

Well, after our long hair affair a few days ago, I was simply not ready to do Rayne's hair the next day. I put it off until Saturday morning, and was shocked to finish in exactly 2 hours and 40 minutes. 110 braids. Approximately 1 braid every 1.45 minutes. Yes, I did the calculation.

For your viewing pleasure, and in case you are under the mistaken impression that my girls are always wandering around with pristine hair styles...

Rayne's hair BEFORE styling... (Several days of neglect and swim sessions. OY!)

And after... (Rayne is on the right)

Now, let's see how long these last. I think I may keep them in braids often during the summer. It seems they will hold up pretty well in the pool.

Crockpot Chili

2011-06-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

Here's a quick crockpot chili recipe. I don't know why chili sounded so appealing the other day. I mean, it was around 102 degrees outside. But this is a family favorite. And I love it because it's so fast. You can let it cook on low for 6-8 hours, or you can cook it on high for 2-4 hours if you are like me, and always forget to start cooking early enough to do a crockpot meal.

The kids love the taste, and they also have fun throwing ingredients in the pot. This recipe fed all six of us, everyone had seconds, and we had about two servings leftover. Enjoy!

WHAT YOU NEED

PLUS 1 to 1.5 lbs. ground beef.

OPTIONAL (BUT SOOOO DELICIOUS): tostitos, sour cream, and shredded cheese!

1. Rinse and drain 3 cans of beans (we used pinto, kidney, and black, but you can use whatever you have on hand!)

2. Brown the beef.

3. Throw everything in the crockpot! (3 cans beans, 1 8 oz can tomato sauce, 1 can tomatoes (I use petite cut), 2 cans tomatoes with green chilis, a packet of taco seasoning, and a packet of ranch mix (I have omitted the ranch mix a few times when I did not have it on hand, and it was still yummy).

4. Cook in slow cooker for 6-8 hours on low or 2-4 hours on high.

P.S. This is one of my favorite kitchen tools: a strainer that sits on the edges of the sink, so I don't have to feel like scum from the not-so-clean sink may be mixing with my food!

Can It Always be Summer?

2011-06-10T08:00:00.001-05:00

We are rediscovering what FREE TIME means. Yay!

OH, the hair!

2011-06-09T19:56:00.003-05:00


Wash-n-go, no-detangling, rushing-on-vacation hair

Oh, the hair!

Pool-hair

Oh, the hair...

Improvised-hair

Hair,

Hair that really should have lasted more than 3 days

Hair,

Mama's-out-of-ideas-hair

HAIR.

First ever mini braids.

Here's to the hope that I can make these last a couple of weeks.

The process took so long that I lost track of time. The braids were so abundant that I lost count at around 42. We watched cartoons and did puzzles all day. We stopped for lunch and potty breaks. She is amazing at sitting for long periods of time. I will try to keep better track tomorrow when I bring you another report. After all, I will be doing it all again with Rayne first thing in the morning. If this does not work, I may give up and let them have dry, brittle afros all summer long. The pool is killing us!

Don't get me wrong. I love their hair. It is absolutely gorgeous. And I still love DOING their hair. Who knew it would become such a fun hobby? But we have hit a rough patch in the growing-out stage. The sheer AMOUNT of hair is getting overwhelming, and it's only 5 inches in length! Maybe 6... I think I need to start doing some core exercises to strengthen my back muscles so I can have more stamina for this kind of thing. :)

P.S. For a post on how God miraculously provided all of the money for our first adoption, go over to Simply Cy-Fair!

Coming Up for Air

2011-06-06T00:41:00.000-05:00

The last month was busy. And that is an understatement. My parents visited. I celebrated a birthday (and, also, my first Mother's day with all 4 kiddos). My students participated in the Guild and the end-of-year recital. We got our air conditioner fixed. I sent in the requested documents to the IRS. The boys finished up school. Doctors and dentist appointments all around. Okay, minus my own. (I need to get on that.) Traveled to CA for 10 days with the family for my BIL's wedding.

Now I'm home. Piano has ended for a couple of months. School is over until August. All extracurricular activities have ended. I have not a single solitary obligation, and I plan to soak it all in. Hope to be on here a bit more often, and maybe catch up with lots of bloggy friends. Add in a few house projects, a big trip to visit family in Maryland, and some new Ethiopian recipes to try out, and I think I have a recipe for a super summer.

My short note for tonight is that I have been reading a lot in my free time. I haven't had time to read in ages. But for Mother's Day, N got me a kindle and a gift card. I just finished this:

Heartbreaking. Fascinating. Devastating. Inspiring. Tragic. Eye-Opening. Beautiful. You should read it.

Get Your Daily Dose of Laughter

2011-05-10T22:51:00.002-05:00

April was a rough month for us. Even throughout last week, we were all just hanging on by a thread of sanity. N was working until midnight most nights to try to recoup some of the hours he'd lost in the past weeks, and I continued to teach piano and do all the other things that need to get done on a daily basis while preparing for my parents' upcoming visit.

Since I am sure many of you are in need of a dose of laughter just as much as I am, I thought I'd share some of the moments that kept me going this week.

Exhibit A: The Sleepwalker

I was bringing a load of towels upstairs Thursday night and gasped when I turned the corner of the stairwell to see this:

Noah, our notorious sleepwalker.

I find this kid all over the house. I really don't think I'd get any sleep if we did not have 1) an alarm, and 2) a pool net. I have a video of waking him up. I'll try to post it to FB.

Exhibit B: The Hair Salon

I've been experimenting with the girls' hair a little too much lately. I noticed some bumps along Rayne's hairline, and figured it was time to let everyone's hair rest for a while. So we did wash-and-go afros today, plus a few fun accessories.

Rayne in her favorite pink flower:

Aaliyah was not satisfied with one gigantic accessory. She begged for two.

How could I say no?

Later, back at home, the girls decided it was my turn.

Any guesses as to how many accessories were in my hair? Let's put it this way: by the time they were all out, I had to take a shower to repair my hair.

Exhibit C: The Art Gallery

It was Open House at the elementary school this week. Kai is talented in many areas, but an artist he is not. He knows it, too. I try to encourage him, but none of his work has ever been chosen by the art teacher to go on display, so that's enough for him to believe he stinks at art. Thankfully, he has a sense of humor about it. He was showing me around his classroom and pointed to a wall with butterflies his classmates had created.

"I really like the butterflies everyone made," he said to me. "But mine kind of stunk." Then he giggled.

Yeah, bud, it's pretty bad when you have to label your butterfly picture, "I am a Butterfly."

Hope you got a chuckle out of something here. Heaven knows I needed the laughs.

By the way, Kim, you were dead-on. I went way over in groceries. OY.

Over Budget

2011-05-04T00:19:00.000-05:00

Aaliyah lost her first tooth on Sunday. The loss terrified her and she sobbed inconsolably for about a half-hour.

I didn't even know it was loose until about two hours before it popped out. Speaking of Aaliyah, she is back on Flovent, Xopenex, and Singulair daily. Praying her asthma goes away and does not get worse.

Rayne lost her first tooth on Tuesday. She didn't shed a tear and practically jumped into bed early tonight with the promise of the Tooth Fairy's visit in her sights.

The kicker: They lost the same exact tooth!

According to their dentist, four is early to lose a tooth, but not uncommon. She also looked at their x-rays and confirmed that their birth date is probably very accurate.

Kai sprained his thumb on Thursday after falling down one step. Yes, one step.

Noah's been getting his six-year molars for weeks, and the process has been accompanied by a nasty phlemy cough. Ick. And an attitude. Uugh.

Nate is on the upswing again. He's been feeling good for about a week. We lost about a quarter of a month's worth of pay, but God made up for it once again. Pretty stinkin' amazing.

I think I caught a case of Summeritis from one of my teenage piano students.

I just finished reviewing last month's budget. Based on the last week alone, it is not surprising that I went over budget in two areas. The first: Healthcare. Any guesses as to the second? :)

Infertility. Ouch.

2011-04-27T10:55:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I'm praying and fasting for a few friends who are in the thick of infertility.

Here's why.

If I can pray for you, leave a comment or send me an e-mail at parker.sarak@gmail.com.

Fifteen Steps to an Exhausting and Wonderful Easter.

2011-04-26T00:01:00.000-05:00

Step 1: Make Ducky Planters

And, before you go feeling guilty because you did not do something so awesome and crafty (I crack myself up), please rest easy knowing that I bought this craft so long ago that when I opened it up on Friday, all the paint had hardened, and we had to make do with some markers and glitter glue.

Step 2: Decorate Easter Cookies.

(Actually, step 2 was clean the kitchen so we would have room to make a mess, followed by step 3, Make Easter Cookie Dough; and step 4 was Roll Out Dough and Cut Shapes--but managing everyone with all that mess was too much to handle while also wielding a camera.)

Step 3: Have Tea Party with New Tea Set, Plus Lemonade & Easter Cookies

(This was, of course, after a trip to the grocery store to purchase the ham I forgot to buy, along with the Easter Egg dyeing kits and seeds for the ducky planters...and also after a couple of hours in the pool.)

Step 4: Get all dressed up and go to church Easter morning.

Thanks, Aunt Rita, for the girls' Easter dresses! Kai--grr!

Step 5: Play Hot-Cold to find the Easter Baskets.

Kai's was in the TV cabinet.

Noah was shocked to find his in the dryer.

Rayne's basket was hiding behind a chair.

Aaliyah found hers in the little laundry room nook.

Step 6: Eat candy.

(Actually, we ate ham first.)

Step 7: Hunt for eggs.

Step 9: Eat more candy.

Step 10: Pose like a gangsta'

Steps 11 through 15: Read the Easter story together. Sing Songs. Say prayers. Clean the kitchen again. Fall into bed.

Happy Easter.

(A little late.)

Box Braid Update...and Who Was I Trying to Fool?

2011-04-21T23:55:00.000-05:00

The box braids were barely holding on by day 8.

So I took out the beads, washed the hair with braids still intact, and re-braided. The whole process only took 2.5 hours (total, for both girls). So much easier since the parting and detangling was already done. I doubled the number of braids that time, too, separating each braid in half and creating two braids from the original one. 86 braids all together.

We are going into day 7, and doing well (no picture--sorry). I think these could last another whole week, but I am not sure how long I want to keep them in. It's a lot of beads.

Can you believe how much their hair has grown in four months? The above picture was taken in late December!

In other news, things are looking up over here. N is doing better and is back at work. The food issue seems to have been just a strange passing moment in time. The lying has subsided (not ceased to exist, mind you, but we're making progress). And, predictably, the upswing in N's health has contributed to an upswing in my attitude.

You know I'm in an emotionally healthy place when I can bare to hand over scissors and glue to my four-year-olds and let them go to town.

According to Aaliyah, this is a tree, a dress, a big airplane, a little airplane, grass, and an elephant. According to me, this is our new Hair Session Distraction Method.

And, as this post is all over the place, can I just reminisce for a moment?

I don't have an old photo of just my fridge (go figure...I mean, who takes a photo of the front of their white fridge?), but you can kind of see it on the left of this picture. Oh, how white and sleek and clean my fridge was when we moved in here four months ago.

I am not sure who I was trying to fool. Myself, I suppose. I had day dreamed a little, I confess. The new house would be clutter free. I would have so much extra room that there would be a place for everything. Visitors would find not a hint of chaos. In my day dreams, I lived in peaceful, organized luxury.

Snort.

Guffaw.

Apparently, even when I have a place for everything, I (along with five other people in the house) have a difficult time putting those things back into those places.

Ah well, there are so many more important things in life...

On a walk with their babies...Named Baby and... Baby. Thanks, Aunt Beth!

Um....?

I still think it's odd that we do not have a family mailbox.

Safety first.

Is it Kai? Or Urkel?

Urkel's sister.

(And now I'm wondering...does anyone but me even remember who Urkel was?)

Pretty Weeds

2011-04-14T23:41:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, the girls discovered weeds. Since they obviously do not understand that weeds are not beautiful, we all spent the next week and a half eating meals at a kitchen table adorned with the "flowers" the girls had picked.

In turn, I discovered that weeds can survive quite some time in a tiny cup of water.

Lately, I've been thinking that there sure are a lot of weeds in my life.

It would be a relief to call in an expert who could just pluck all the weeds out, sprinkle on a preventative, and clear everything away.

But I keep finding these little reminders that even the weeds can be pretty. Just like that song...raindrops as blessings, healing as tears.

It's easy to get caught up staring at the weeds, willing them away, lamenting at their presence...until soon all you see are the weeds, not the yard, the garden, the home, the family.

Today was a new day. I am sure it began yesterday after I had allowed myself a good rant on the phone to my friend Erica, who then proceeded to pray for me "a lot," and specifically, Romans 15:13: - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

When I finally opened my Bible yesterday to continue my reading of Exodus, I was not expecting much in the way of comfort. But this is what I found: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14.

Another reminder that I am not supposed to be figuring it all out. I can't heal N. I can't parent my son perfectly. Nothing I do in any given moment of my day can guarantee any of our health, our physical or financial well-being, our security. All I'm supposed to do is show up. I'm supposed to be present. God asks me to be ready. But then I'm supposed to let Him do the fighting.

That knowledge brings sweet relief. Strange that it's so easy to forget.

Today was a good day.

I did not take any pictures, so I'm sneaking in some from spring break.

Sometimes I guess I just need a little reminder...

That life is pretty sweet...

Even amidst the weeds.

Go ahead. Click on the picture. Judge me for the Elmo panties on the kitchen counter...I've always promised to be real. :)

OOPS.

2011-04-12T13:09:00.000-05:00

The food thief is not a "she."

Who knows why Rayne admitted to the Sneaky Food Fest, but when N discovered a half-empty pack of Juicy Fruit gum in one of the boys' beds several days ago...along with chewed gum hidden along several lengths of the bed frame...we had to take a step back and reinvestigate the situation.

It took a while to wheedle out the truth. But once the deeds were brought to light, I was more than miffed. I would never have guessed one of the boys had been the one taking candy from the piano prize box and sneaking food we normally let him eat anyway.

The confession soon revealed other deceptions as well, and this Mama is feeling just a little defeated.

It's not the food sneaking, really, that has put me on the war path, but the fact that our son allowed his little sister to take the rap for his misdeeds--and showed no remorse. Add to that several other odd recent incidents (lying about homework, lying about school work, sneaking toys to school, sneaking books home from school, purposely cutting holes in shorts, and lying about how the holes got there...are you seeing the pattern here?), and I can say that for the first time ever in parenting, I have no clear cut answer on how to respond. Consistency has always been my motto, and we're making no exception here. But goodness!

Add to that N's continuing relapse, some serious PMS, and mountains of laundry calling my name, and you've got a recipe for the Major Grumpies.

You know what? Today I am just Tired. And, yes, I capitalized that word on purpose.

On the upside, the weather is gorgeous. The girls have had no problem enjoying playgrounds and picnics outside all day long while I have sat around breathing the fresh air and generally feeling sorry for myself. Which, in itself, just makes me feel guilty, because I really don't have much to gripe about. There are just these moments...

My Desperate Prayer

2011-04-06T00:14:00.000-05:00

Please, Lord.

Pretty please.

With sugar on top.

Let these braids hold up for at least 7 days.

Amen.

P.S. Shirlee, do you recognize Aaliyah's dress? Thank you, Once Upon a Child. :)

Our Fifth Child

2011-04-04T18:54:00.001-05:00

My mother used to say to the five of us kids, "I must have a sixth child around here somewhere, whose names is Not Me."

Now I get it.

Because we used to have just four children, but for several months, we have had a fifth one, whose name--coincidentally--is Not Me.

Not Me likes to eat.

A lot.

Before I realized we had a fifth child, I did not think to take photographic evidence of the child's existence. It started a few weeks ago when I found an opened bag of mini marshmallows in the pantry--the clip set right next to the bag, and several renegade marshmallows on the pantry floor. I questioned the children. "Who got into these marshmallows?"

"Not Me," they all told me.

I was perplexed. I have never had a child sneak food before, and I couldn't figure out who was doing it--and, more importantly, how.

I vowed to keep a closer eye on the girls, as I was fairly certain the boys hadn't done it.

Nothing happened for a while. I suppose Not Me was deciding whether or not she had truly gotten away with the marshmallow binge.

It was a couple weeks later when I discovered an opened mini bag of spicy doritos. They were stale, so the offense had occurred at least a day before. Again, "Not Me."

Not Me was quiet for a few days, but then the newest member of our family went on a food frenzy.

N made the first discovery.

Yes, the bag is completely empty. Not Me must have been close to discovery to have left that nice sized chip on the lunch bag.

Upon closer inspection, we discovered this:

Oreo cookie crumbs. N tasted to be sure.

And then, after digging deeper, this:

Completely empty.

Not Me must have been hungry.

Really hungry.

I think she may have licked the package clean.

And today, I discovered this:

That's 15 sticks of gum, folks. Fifteen. I have since put all candy and junk food out of reach. I have also discovered that we don't actually have a fifth child named Not Me.

The food-junkie fessed up, and I am kind of miffed. Some might say this is hoarding, or something to do with not having enough food early in life. I am more of the mind to believe that the child likes to eat. Junk, in particular.

I have to laugh at myself for how many times I've heard of children getting into things they shouldn't get into...and how many times I've secretly thought, "that parent should be paying closer attention!" I can't for the life of me figure out how my little foodaholic managed to sneak all that food without my knowledge. But now I can look back and see a definite worsening pattern of dilly dallying. I would task the little one to go put a doll away, and about five minutes later, I'd realize she had not returned. I would call her name, and she would be running up the stairs to put the doll away. I thought she was getting distracted with toys and play time. I now see she was merely taking some detours through the kitchen.

I must really be mellowing, because I'm more surprised than mad, more amused than irritated. But I will also admit to a little bit of concern. Any thoughts?

Shopping Spree

2011-03-30T16:36:00.000-05:00

Here's a link to my bi-monthly post at Simply Cy-Fair. :)

I Probably Would Have Lied, Too...

2011-03-24T00:52:00.000-05:00

Wednesday is our busy night. It is the only night of the week where we do not get to sit down as a family for dinner. The kids eat sandwiches and fruit in the car, and after track, we race home. Usually, N is home to take care of the kids and I start teaching piano within a half-hour of arriving home.

Today, however, N was so sick that he had taken himself up to his little room upstairs. It's called a "mother-in-law room" ...though I am not sure exactly why, unless you really don't like your mother-in-law. It's around 10X6 and has no windows. N was in a lot of pain, and his headache was fierce, so he couldn't take any light at all. He had tried to drape sheets over the big windows in our room (which have nice blinds, but no curtains yet), but that wasn't good enough. Anyway, I haven't seen him hole up in a dark room in about 2.5 years, so I knew it was bad. That meant I had 25 minutes to get 4 children ready for bed and then in bed.

Add to that the fact that Aaliyah had lost her book privilege (more on the girls' Adventures in Ignoring Mommy coming soon), which meant I needed to read Rayne a story...or the punishment would be moot. I instructed the kids to get jammies on and brush teeth - no dilly dallying. I needed their help, I told them, and promised the boys they could read for a half hour before turning out the lights.

I put a couple of things away and then came upstairs to supervise. I had 17 minutes left. Noah was wandering the hall while the girls rummaged through the pile of stuffed animals I had tossed out of their room into the hallway the night before (at 10:30 p.m., when I caught them, awake, playing in the dark in their bedroom!). None of them had PJs on.

And there Kai stood, in the bathroom, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth...just staring at himself in the mirror, flicking his toothbrush with his fingers. I stood there watching him for a full minute, waiting for him to notice me. When he did, he resumed brushing his teeth. I am sure he registered the crazy-Mom look on my face. Nevermind that he actually had his PJs on, and was the only child remotely doing what he was supposed to do. I zeroed in on him, every emotion from the day gathering into a big dark cloud, and I said, "What exactly were you doing in here?"

To which, of course, he replied in a very small voice, "Brushing my teeth."

To which, of course, I replied in a very big voice, "That's not what I saw. What I saw was a child standing in front of the mirror with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth...flicking it."

I wonder when I will learn that a raised voice only escalates problems?

Predictably, he responded to me in a panicking and shrill voice that he had NOT been flicking his toothbrush, and that he had merely been brushing his teeth.

I got louder. "Do not lie to me! I saw you with my own eyes!"

As if an 8-year-old being goofy with a toothbrush is a really odd and horrifying occurrence. (Am I the only one who finds toothpaste in mysterious places all over the house, by the way?)

We went back and forth, he denying five times in a row that he had lied, and I insisting that he had. Until finally I forced him to apologize and then triumphantly took away his book privilege and said he would get four more consequences for the four more consecutive lies.

Mama of the Year, I tell you.

My outburst, of course, had nothing to do with toothbrush flicking, or even with my son's subsequent lies. If I had been the kid flicking the toothbrush and turning to see my Angry Mama Bear Scowl, I probably would have blurted out a lie, too.

Nope, the whole incident had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with me. Not handling this downturn in N's health very well, not managing my time very well, and needing to get some frustration out of my system.

I finished teaching at 9, and crawled into the top bunk with Kai, who was sound asleep. I laid there with him and thought about how often I mess up, and how God always forgives, lets go, and gives me another chance - without hanging my failures over my head.

So.

I woke my 2nd grader up at 9:30 p.m. I am sure his teacher will love me tomorrow. I brought him downstairs, pulled out two mugs, the hot cocoa, and mini marshmallows, and instructed him to start pouring the cocoa into the mugs. Through the fog of sleep, a grin began to form. He poured the cocoa powder and I poured the hot water into the mugs. "Now eat three marshmallows," I told him.

"EAT them?" he asked.

"Yes. It's part of the recipe," I explained. "Put the cocoa in the cup, add water, and then eat three marshmallows."

He cracked up. To him, I am funny.

Then I tried to throw marshmallows into his mouth. A for-sure choking hazard, I know. But I did take the First Aid & CPR class at the Red Cross, so I was prepared. Then I let him throw marshmallows in my mouth. Finally, we sat on the couch, sipping our hot cocoa.

It was quiet at first, and then he started talking. About school, his friends, his teacher. Suddenly, I had the idea for popcorn. So we popped some popcorn and shared it on the couch with our hot cocoa. And then I brought up the toothbrush incident. I told him I overreacted with the promise of four extra punishments, and that even I make plenty of mistakes every day.

He apologized for lying.

And then Noah woke up. Kai offered him the rest of his hot cocoa, and we all sat there on the couch until 10, eating popcorn and giggling up a storm.

Try doling out mercy today. It's a pretty great feeling. No wonder God pours it out so generously.

Eight Years...and a heavy heart

2011-03-22T22:11:00.000-05:00

I keep hearing the song "Blessings" on the Christian radio station. And it keeps making me cry.

"...what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise..."

Yesterday marked our 8th wedding anniversary.

This week also marks the 4th year of N's illness.

I thought about that yesterday, and realized that he has been sick for half the time we have been married.

It's very hard to remember what life was like before Saturday, March 24, 2007. I didn't even blog about that day when he first became ill. I had no idea what was about to hit us.

He was asleep early last night, had been out of work and in bed all day. I finished teaching piano and pulled out our wedding scrapbook. I don't know why I did that. I didn't realize how much it would hurt to see the life and warmth that used to emanate from my husband...the excitement, the light heart, the dreams, ambitions, hope for the future.

On our honeymoon in Mexico, we went on an adventure tour, where we rapelled into a cenote, ziplined across an alligator-infested swamp, and snorkeled in a deserted span of ocean thriving with coral. I slammed my knee again a coral reef, and blood started swirling around us. Sure a shark would gobble me up at any moment, we both went into panic mode, swimming fast and hard to our little kayak, N lifting me out of the water to safety. And when we finally got back in the kayak, we died laughing at the absurdity of our "romantic" adventures.

One evening at our hotel, we had a contest to see who could hold their breath longest in the pool. He came up within 30 seconds or so, and I was just kind of floating there with my arms relaxed and face down in the water, grinning with my eyes closed, knowing how badly he was going to be beat. Suddenly, I was yanked by the shoulders up and out of the water to N shouting, "Sara!" I had been under so long that he thought I may have drowned.

I sat reminiscing about those days last night. All the kids were in bed. The house was quiet. And I just sat on the couch with my memories. Wishing for those days again...when we were the cliche newly married couple - young and carefree with the world at our feet.

Truthfully, I suppose I would not want to be back there. I guess that I feel a little guilty that I have a heavy heart at all.

Through the heartache, the uncertainty, the stress, we have reaped blessing upon blessing. If you subtract N's illness from the equation of the last four years, you would see nothing but gifts, miracles, and provision. I don't know why it is so hard to separate my husband's health from my daily life. When he's up, I'm up. When he's down, I'm down.

And he's been down a lot lately.

I was praying about it this morning. I said to God, "I want to let it go. I want to be able to function when N is not able to...and I want to be able to do it with a happy spirit. I don't know why it's so hard."

And I sat there in the quiet, feeling that sting of hopeless tears threaten, and I heard this question filter through my heart: "What are you afraid of?"

At first, I was blank. Fear had nothing to do with my attitude, my ability to carry on with a peaceful heart amidst the downturns in N's health. I would name "sadness" as the culprit, or maybe "exhaustion." But not fear.

But then it suddenly made sense.

I am afraid.

Desperately.

And fear has dragged me around in different ways all this time.

At first, I feared N was dying. Then I feared that he was losing his marbles. Then I feared that he would never be the same person. I was scared that our marriage would fail. That we would never have more children. That our boys would grow up in a divided home. That N would lose his job and the retirement he's built up for 10 years.

I thought I was done with fear, but I am not. Fear still has a grip on me. I am scared of the unknown. I have never truthfully bought the diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have always worried that he's got something much more sinister, that will take years to diagnose, and then it may be too late. I'm afraid of being without him. I'm afraid of our children being without him. I'm afraid of watching him suffer year after year after year. I'm afraid of seeing him through the loss of his job, and of what that would look like for our family. I'm afraid. Period.

Oh, and really really sad. And, to be honest, sometimes I'm pretty mad.

But amidst it all, God has made Himself known to me in some very tangible ways. There can be no doubting the miracles His hand has provided in our life over the course of the past few years. Four enormous financial miracles, for starters (I've told you about one, but I've got three more to share!). And, of course, the miracle of our daughters, the strangely timed blessing of our new home...and the healing of our marriage. He has left no room for me to doubt His compassion, His mercy, His presence.

Blessings through raindrops.

Healing through tears.

Mercies through trials.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;

therefore, I will wait for him."

^{--Lamentations 3:22-24}

On The Twin-Thing

2011-03-19T01:03:00.000-05:00

One year ago today, we first saw our daughters' faces. If you want to read about it, feel free. :)

You would think that when I answered the phone one year ago, I would have had a small inkling that we might possible be referred twins.

Oddly enough, the thought had not even occurred to me. It seemed highly unlikely, with our wide parameters of 0-4 years, that we would become the parents of twins. In my mind, our referral would be for a baby boy and a 4-year-old girl, or possibly a set of three children with stair-step ages.

When I heard our case worker announce that our daughters were twins, I was at once shocked, elated, and terrified. To many, the idea of twins is a dream, a sweet little fantasy. When I thought of twins, however, all I could think of was two children at the exact same developmental stage, needing the same thing from me at the same time, all the time...and wondering how a parent figures that out.

It's been a year since I first saw these faces.

And in that year, I've learned a lot about my twins. Definitely not everything there is to know, but enough to begin to realize what an awesome gift we were given.

From the start, I've felt very strongly that I want to encourage their close relationship, but also help them to figure out their own identities. Let me just say, for the record, that twins are exhausting. And they are also more fun than I could have ever imagined!

On Clothing.

At first, I did not want any matching outfits. I was afraid of making the girls feel as though they always had to be the same. Over time, people sent matching outfits anyway (it's hard to resist, I know), and soon I was sold. But there was a problem. The girls quickly decided that they didn't want to wear the same thing all the time. They wanted to make their own choices, express their own styles.

For Aaliyah, this means girly to the max. She wants dresses and tights with princess shoes, and as much jewelry as I will let her wear. And she wants to wear that every day. To the playground. In the dirt. On her bike. It is quite tragic for her when I insist she wear sneakers.

Rayne, on the other hand, is unpredictable. She usually chooses jeans before anything else, but sometimes feels that girly desire for dresses. And even when she wears jeans, she just loves to slip on her little black dress shoes to complete her outfit (check out her feet in the photo above). She is more understated with her jewelry as well, typically only wearing one necklace, or one bracelet.

On Passions.

In a way, raising twins is a lot like raising plain old vanilla siblings. Their interests are similar, yet they diverge. They both love to color.

But while Rayne spends 45 minutes coloring this...

Aaliyah spends the same 45 minutes scribbling purple or black circles all over 10 to 15 pages of a brand new coloring book.

Their very favorite inside activity together is playing with their babies.

Unless they can convince me to turn on the TV for them...

They love to ride their bikes, to play with jump ropes, bubbles and balls, to swing on swings and slide on slides. They love Whacamole, puzzles, and building with blocks. They have a passion for life that is truly captivating. I hope they always have that.

On the Twin Bond

I try to capture the twin moments because they still melt my heart.

My girls may be girly, but they are not afraid of a little dirt. I was always afraid of dirt when I was a kid. I love that they want to roll around outside and wrestle and play horsey and tumble and just be free. Except that it's a real pain with the hair.

Rayne and Aaliyah will often spontaneously connect. Like at Noah's field day, when they both got kind of tired at the same time and naturally sat down together on the stroller.

I catch them holding hands spontaneously, naturally, as if they are one in the same. They play together, but they are fine playing separately too.

They can't stand it when the other is crying. They give in to each other's desires very easily, and while they have their little tiffs, usually the one who cries the loudest wins because the other will give in.

They love to sleep together, which we allow sometimes, but not often because they tend to play in bed. A few weeks ago, I took a nap with them in my bed - one daughter curled up on each side of me. When I woke up 45 minutes later, I extricated myself from their sleepy grasps, and Rayne woke up. I instructed her not to touch her sister and wake her up; nap time was not yet over. This is how I found them a little while later.

In fact, I'm getting ready to buy them this bed...

Aaliyah's 4-year-old toddler bed is falling apart, and they'll need big girl beds in a year or two anyway. Since they won't be able to sleep on the top bunk yet, they can share the big bed on the bottom for a while.

Some days I listen to their giddy laughter and I wonder how it is that in the span of one year, this precious face...

Blossomed into this...

And how this sweet treasure...

Blossomed into this...

Those photos, taken while my daughters were at Hannah's Hope, show their hearts through their longing eyes, their downturned mouths, and their defeated body language. My own heart aches when I look at their sweet faces in those pictures. Strangely, it aches when I look at the new photos, too. Have you ever been so thankful that your heart hurt?

And, on a completely unrelated note, what do you think: Identical or Fraternal?? :) I plan to get the test done next month. Just because everyone keeps asking. Even perfect strangers. And it'd be nice to know. I have my own secret guess. I can't wait to see if I'm right.

Grace in the Chaos

2011-03-16T23:09:00.000-05:00

I'm blogging every other week for a new Web site, local to my community. Here's a link to this week's post.

And since my last post had no pics, here are three for your amusement. :)

The girls were helping me prepare a chicken for the oven. Actually, all the girls did was mix up the spices to put on the chicken. I promise we were having fun. But Rayne had just been chastised for touching the raw chicken for the third time...

The boys were on their way back to their starting position at track practice. I took this photo from quite far away. I wonder what they were talking about. They look so serious. I can almost picture them as teenagers.


This is what the girls do while the boys do track. Wrestle and tumble in the grass. Why do I even bother with their hair?

Spring Break Is...

2011-03-15T23:23:00.000-05:00

Waking up in the morning to the sound of the kids' voices, and having nowhere to be...

Baking cupcakes for no reason, and letting everyone grab spoons to dig out the leftover frosting...

Serving up cupcakes for breakfast...

Taking a break from sports practices...

Sitting around every afternoon in the backyard with a good book while the kids squirt each other with water blasters...

Cuddling with the boys at night and answering oddly timed questions about how babies come out of bellies...

Play dates...

Parks...

Picnics...

Bike riding...

And, just plain old enjoying each other.

Bring on the summer, because spring break is flying by too fast!

5:47 A.M.

2011-03-05T06:49:00.000-06:00

The rain woke me up somewhere around 3 this morning, and I haven't been able to sleep since.

Secretly, I am thrilled that it is raining. But in a couple of hours, I am going to have a very sad 6-year-old, who will be discovering that his first flag football game, the one he has been "waiting forever for," has been canceled.

Nothing sounds better to me than lazing around on a rainy Saturday morning. Maybe I can make it up to him with a donut and kolache run.

Although, thanks to this article, I may never be able to eat a kolache again. Or serve one to my children. I am being dramatic, I know. But seriously. First the aspartame in my diet coke, and now the nitrates in my kolaches. What am I expected to eat? Bananas and carrots?

I jest, of course. This might just be the jolt I need to move us back in the direction of healthier eating.

But I digress.

I have been receiving the questions again...the questions that make me realize that I have been avoiding the answers for a while--otherwise no one would be asking the questions.

I go through spurts like this--where I just don't have the energy to dig deep. Spurts where the every day moments of my life pile up to such tremendous proportions that I can't even remember if I brushed the girls' teeth this morning, so it's asking a lot to get me to expand upon, say, how my hubby's been doing.

Truthfully? I've been a little too caught up in how I'VE been doing to really notice how the other five people in the family are doing. I like to tell people that during the first three months following an adoption, you run on sheer adrenaline. Later, you won't remember much of what happened, and probably thankfully, your children won't either. The next three months, you start to feel better. You get your groove back. You have a false sense of security. Everything is falling into place.

And then month six rolls around. And maybe you are really awesome, and you feel on top of the world, but this seems to be where I crash. The newly adopted kiddos start feeling more comfortable, which requires much more energy and creativity as they test boundaries every moment of the day. And the siblings start to notice that your attention is divided again, so they start testing the boundaries too. And if you add to that the fact that you teach piano to 11 students per week and it's the spring, which means event season is upon your piano studio, and if your husband has had a bad couple of health weeks, where he went a few days with leave without pay, and if you keep staring at your taxes, wanting to submit them but afraid you have made a mistake because you are so tired every time you look at them, your eyes are closing, and if you brought the van into the shop to be fixed, and it's still not fixed, and if for 4 out of 5 years of parenting you'd only held two children through fevers on two separate nights, but suddenly in year five, you have been kept awake more than a dozen times tending to feverish children....well, perhaps you can see why the crash has begun.

We are actually entering Month 10, so I suppose my crash started late. I was running on adrenaline again for months 6, 7, and 8, what with the move and all.

But, since I am strangely awake and it is even more strangely QUIET in the house, here's a breifing. :)

The hubby.

As you all know, I can't post his pics on the blog, so here's my best shot.

Dad helping Aaliyah on her bike last weekend.

He's been down and out, folks. A couple of years ago, when he saw improvement with the anti-viral, Valtrex, I posted a comment on a forum for people suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I wanted to give people hope--that while a cure has not been found, relief was a possibility. Since then, I have received e-mails. Sometimes months will pass and I will not hear from anyone. Then in one month, five or six strangers will e-mail me. Their stories are all the same, and it is heartbreaking. This past month, a guy my husband's age e-mailed me. He's been sick for three years, had to drop out of the sports leagues he played on, lost his girlfriend, most of his friends, lost his job. A few months back, it was a medical student at Cornell. A 22-year-old girl, whose mono had turned into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and who was desperate to finish her studies. She'd moved back in with her parents, and her relationship with her boyfriend was precarious, as all of their outdoor hobbies (hiking, biking, rock climbing) had become nonexistent. A man in his forties wrote to me. He's been suffering with this condition for 20 years.

N and I often say that if this is the worst that happens, we will be grateful. And in our hearts, we both know that, and we cling to it. But during weeks like these, it's harder to remember.

The eight-year-old.

I've said it before, and it's still true. Kai is an amazing big brother. Lately, school work has been slipping, and so have chores, so it's easy for me to forget that this kid has one of the sweetest hearts you'll ever meet. Kai is full of compassion and gentleness. Out of the six of us, he has had the easiest transition, and he's been my right-hand man.

The six-year-old.

Noah just started his first season of flag football, and he's thrilled. During the past 9 months, he has been up, down, and all over the place with emotions. Twin 3-year-old sisters knocked the wind out of him when they took his place as baby in the family. I'm seeing signs that he's starting to settle in to his new role, though. Just yesterday he bought the girls sticky hands and a stamp from the prize box at school. Speaking of school, he loves it. He finally saved enough (school) cash to buy breakfast with the teacher, so Friday morning we all traipsed to the school at 8 a.m. on the dot so he could partake in breakfast with his teacher and a few friends before the day began. We may as well have been going to Disneyland, for all of his excitement.

Thing 1

Some days I watch this girl and I am just blown away by the changes the past 9 months have brought. When we met, she barely wanted anything to do with me. She cried when I tried to hold her at night, and pushed me away. She screamed everywhere we went, and threw herself down on the floor at least a dozen times a day, in complete hysterics. She clung to me, and then pushed me away. Again, and again, and again. It was exhausting. But getting all those emotions out were healthy, it seems, for she is discovering her place in our family. She is discovering her independence. She is discovering who she is. And so am I. She is loving, and sweet, and shares Kai's sense of compassion. She's bright, bubbly, and can be intense, too. And a little on the sneaky side. Today she pilfered some mini marshmallows from the pantry. That was a first in five years of parenting - until today, no child had ever gone into the pantry to sneak food. Or maybe they were just savvy enough not to spill and leave the bag open as evidence.

Thing 2

Aaliyah didn't do too much of the tantrum throwing, and it always made me a little nervous. I expected more tantrums. I wondered about what she was keeping in her heart and not letting go of. When she found that picture the other day and clutched it to her chest, it reminded me of all she's been through. She is still floundering a little, it seems. She still occasionally pretends to be a baby. She will crawl into my lap and ask me to sing "Rock-A-Bye" to her. She will make pretend baby cries, and push on my chest and say, "baby drink." She is full of energy and zest, but doesn't quite seem to know how to be settled. She runs, runs, runs, and then crashes. Her recent idea is to ignore everything I say to see how I will react. She is discovering, I think, that I act pretty quickly--especially when she decides to run into the street on the way to the bus stop.

Mama Bear

This picture is a good image of how I feel just about all the time lately. TIRED. But generally fairly happy. And ALWAYS with a kitchen to clean.

The Celebration

2011-02-28T23:29:00.001-06:00

So.

Remember my wonderfully simple plan to gift the girls each with a bike and baby doll for their birthday?

Well, something happened.

A gal at MOPS Friday day told me that Ross was selling big fluffy Easter dresses for around $16. My first thought was that I should go buy one for each of the girls as dress-up clothes. So tonight I ran out to Ross, where I never actually have shopped before. I found the dresses, and picked two up - but decided they'd be better as dresses to wear to my BIL's wedding than to mess up playing around in.

Unfortunately, once I found the dresses, my feet didn't seem to want to leave the store. Once I did manage to maneuver my feet out the door of Ross, they had a mind of their own and wandered over to the nearby Target...and then to Walmart...and all of a sudden I came home, emptied my bags, and THIS is what I found.

I looked at it all and giggled a little maniacally about how much I disliked pink before the girls, and then about just how much pink...and how many presents...now adorned my couch.

I thought about returning it all.

Instead, I pulled out the wrapping paper.

Note: At least the gifts on the top were from relatives - not me!

After all, until yesterday, they had never celebrated a birthday.

And don't I get some leeway for having missed out on three whole years of twin girl birthday parties?

We did not end up going to the zoo Sunday, as N had been ill for the past week, and it just wasn't happening.

Instead, we had ice cream and waffles for breakfast... (Yay for $1 pints!)

The girls got dressed in their birthday outfits... (oh my gosh - how cute are their shoes? What great knock-offs for $12.99, eh?)

And we went to Target to spent their gift cards. Then it was off to Ethiopian food. OH, delicious.The girls ate with sheer bliss. I felt an unexpected wash of sadness as I watched Aaliyah chow down, intermittently smiling and saying, "Dis it BADee GOOD!" (This is very good!). She has not found much in the American diet that she absolutely loves, except for fresh fruit. Oh, and ice cream, donuts, candy, gum...

Of course, Kai always enjoys his Ethiopian food, and he ate so much and so fast that he later threw up. We told him next time he would have limits. Even Noah got in on the eating, and I am happy to report that after 5 years of effort, he has finally been won over to Ethiopian food. If you will remember, it was only a year or two ago that he threw up in the restaurant.

I caught Rayne and Noah in a spontaneous hug. Rayne just wandered over to him after a potty break, arms outstretched. Melt. :)

I have decided I am really looking haggard lately. When do you suppose I will have time to get myself showered, dressed, with makeup and hair done, and teeth brushed all in the same morning ever again?

Our last stop was a park near out house so the girls could try their bikes and play on the playground.

At home, they finished opening gifts, and we had popcorn and ice cream and cake for dinner.

Licking the icing in their second choice of birthday clothing.

Rayne and Aaliyah requested Ariel. This is probably our worst at-home cake job, but we tried. And it tasted delish, so I suppose that's all that mattered.

Love Aaliyah's expression.

I watched them yesterday with such disbelief. At this time last year, we still had not seen their faces, and a couple days ago we celebrated their fourth birthday together.Wild.

Today the girls were helping me bring some things upstairs to put in the attic. Aaliyah, who gets into E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. somehow slipped her hands into a box of pictures when I wasn't looking. We were on our way back downstairs when I noticed she was clutching something to her chest. I asked her what it was.

She showed me this picture (break my heart!), which my friend had mounted on pretty paper as a decoration for my shower last year:

I did not think she would know it was her. We have not looked at photos of Ethiopia for several months now, and I don't think we ever have looked at photos together of the pictures I received before traveling to bring the girls home.

"Do you know who that is?" I asked her.

She smiled grandly. "It's Aaliyah!" she exclaimed.

"You're right!" I said. "Do you know where you were in this picture?"

"Ethiopia!"

Again, I was surprised by her knowledge of this photo.

"How did you feel in this picture?" I asked.

"My head hurt," she told me.

"It did? Did you feel happy or sad? Or did you feel tired or silly? Were you scared?"

She looked back at me, eyes shining. She's doing this new lip-tremble thing when she tries not to cry, and I'm almost sure I saw it. But tears did not fall.

"Sad," she said.

"Why were you sad?"

Her eyes were so serious, so dark as she kept my gaze.

"I needed Mommy and Daddy," she said solemnly. "And Kai and Noah."

And then she smiled.

Really SMILED.

"But me happy now!"

And she threw herself into my arms.

Me too, baby. Me, too.

The Twins Turn FOUR!

2011-02-25T20:23:00.000-06:00

They are really into dressing up lately. Remember how they used to throw themselves on the floor at the mere sight of dresses? They are over that, and they are making the most out of the dresses everyone so lovingly gifted them with last year. Honestly, the dresses barely fit. The ones with buttons are a little snug, and all of them are a little short on Rayne. But I can't resist letting them get a few more months out of the pretty little clothes.

Today was their 4th birthday. We are not celebrating until Sunday, which is a good thing because Aaliyah has a fever. But we were going to MOPS (I did not realize she had a fever - oops), and I let them choose their clothes....

See, Beth, I told you Aaliyah was wearing that pink dress from last year. And, Aunt Marge, we are still getting mileage out of the clothes you sent. Aaliyah is a huge fan of tights, but Rayne is not. Aaliyah is also very into jewelry, while Rayne has a bit more of the less-is-more mentality. If I haven't said it before...little girls are so much fun!!!!

When we arrived at MOPS, there was a little petting zoo set up.

Okay, well, this picture is not a good angle for my booty, but it's the only picture I got. It was right after one of the baby goats took a nibble of Aaliyah's dress, and the girls were starting to decide that the little goat might just take a nibble out of THEM. We left about a minute after this picture.

After MOPS, we got ice creams from Chick-fil-A.

Sunday we are going to the zoo to celebrate the girls' bday. They've never been, so I'm really excited for them. And this is the gift they will both be getting...

Of course, you can't get a princess bike with a fun basket, bell, pom-poms, and baby seat and NOT get a baby doll to go with it. They often beg to bring their babies with them on bike rides and to playgrounds, so I figured they needed to have some outdoor babies...

This baby doll is all plastic, so I figure easy to clean after being outside. PLUS, it has light-up pee!!! Yes, you read that correctly. A baby doll with a no-mess diaper. Gotta love it.

That's all we bought them...well, they each are getting a $1 jump rope, and a dress, too. You know, since they now love dresses, I have an excuse to buy them.

I've got to be up early tomorrow, so that's about all I've got for tonight. But, a few pictures to end with...

Some recent hair pics...cute, right? But I have been informed by a "natural hair care specialist" that the girls have a little breakage at the hairline. So frustrating, as I feel like I have followed every rule about protecting their hairline. But I did do some banding and puffs for a few weeks in a row when things were crazy. Sigh. Live and learn. And they desperately need trims. We have been home EIGHT months, and they have not had a trim. I can't even find a place to go around here...soon, soon!

Rayne's hairdo from the front.

From the top

Aaliyah's hairdo

From the back

And last, but not least, look who's wearing glasses!

When did my 8-year-old start looking like he was 10?

Heart

2011-02-20T21:31:00.000-06:00

Until 5 years ago when I moved to Texas, 1600 miles away from my tight-knit family and the friends I'd grown up with, I took friendship for granted. I was overcome with the excitement of our move, the promise of a new life...the idea that I could start fresh, make myself over.

The people in Texas, I figured with excitement, would not know me. They had never seen me as a child, a teen, a young adult. They would have no recollection of my gangly teen days of thick curly bangs and hot pink socks that matched my hot pink shirts and hot pink scrunchies. They hadn't seen me fumble and fall. They had never seen my ugly cry.

I was scheming to reinvent myself, but I quickly discovered that making new friends as an adult is much harder than making new friends as a child. During that first year in Texas that I was very much alone. As hard as I tried to connect with other girls my age, I found that we were all hesitant. Hesitant to share too much. Hesitant to be too real. Hesitant to put the first foot forward into a friendship, and definitely not willing to plunge two feet in.

When N got sick, the loneliness worsened. Because now these people who did not know me...they were seeing my ugly cry. They were watching me fumble and fall. But we had no history to keep our friendship alive through mucky times.

I would call my sisters and friends late at night, midnight, one in the morning, and I would sob into the phone, wishing I could be next to the people I loved, the people who loved me. The people who had seen me through my worst, and loved me anyway.

You have taken from me my friend and neighbor--darkness is my closest friend. --Psalm 88:1

Looking back, I can clearly see how God used that time in my life to show me that I had come to depend on others instead of Him. My support system in Maryland was so rich and fail-safe that I seldom called on God first. He was an afterthought. After I had poured my heart out to all of my sisters, cried on shoulders, gone out for pity food with friends, I would drift off to sleep mumbling a half-hearted prayer, as if I did not really *need* God.

The loneliness in Texas lasted a solid two years. I say often that it was a dark time, and it really was. I remember leaving the house some nights after N and the kids were asleep. I would just drive around in the car, crying, feeling so alone. I sometimes parked under a street lamp on a quiet street in our neighborhood, dripping tears onto the pages of my Bible. I had begun to make friends, but I was so wrapped up in my own pain that it was difficult to extend any kind of genuine compassion toward others, and no one appreciates a friend who takes and does not give.

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away. --Psalm 38:11

Those two years were so empty. But God got His message across to me. And I am all the more thankful for the friendships that have begun to flourish in my life.

This weekend I went to the MOM Heart conference in Dallas with several other gals from my church. As we talked about our faults, our failures, our fears, our hopes, our dreams, our prayers, I found myself so thankful for genuine friendship. The kind of friendship that allows for 2 a.m. phone calls and opening the door with no makeup on and a disastrous kitchen. Friendship that is full of heart.

I began to think a lot about friendship several weeks ago when my friend Natalie came for a weekend visit. We met in the third grade, and we still enjoy reminiscing about the day I told her identical twin sister Emily that she could not play with us because she was not our friend. To me, they looked nothing alike. I was shocked to discover they were sisters, actually.

So Nat came to visit and we had a great time together, catching up and remembering. While she was here, she offered to cook dinner for us. YUMMO. She and her sister and Mom are amazing cooks, so I jumped all over that. She had to improvise a little with the pan situation, as I did not have a big enough skillet for the meal she was making. She used my big wok pan and put a frying pan cover over the top that obviously did not fit. The meal was a hit, and might I add that she is a very clean cook. She, like my mom, cleaned as she went, and when we were all eating, the kitchen was immaculate. So not my style, but I wish it was.

About a week after she visited, a large box was delivered at my door step. I couldn't fathom what she could have sent me.

I was so tickled at receiving a JUMBO 5 quart cooker. She saw the need and filled it! And she attached the recipes for the meal she had made us too. And, yes, her hand writing really is that neat. Crazy, isn't it? I had her and her sister address my wedding invitations for that very reason. To top off the thoughtful gift, she had included a pre-paid and addressed box for the shirt she had left at my house, so I never even had to do anything but put the shirt in the box, seal it, and pop it in the mailbox. If you have small children, you know how much I despise the post office.

I had been meaning to put that on the blog, but time got away from me...and then came the conference this past weekend. N could not get off work, so a sweet friend, Annie, agreed to watch my kiddos all day Friday. She has a three-year-old daughter (like the girls) and an 8-year-old daughter (like Kai), so it was perfect. For me, anyway. I was off galavanting and pampering myself with fast food, Starbucks, and quiet time while she was left with 9 hours of children.

She was coming to my house to watch the kids, so I tidied and cleaned and vacuumed, but I didn't overdo it. She is my friend, I kept telling myself, and she won't judge if the house is not immaculate. So I went to bed instead of cleaning the kitchen. And even though I really wanted to clean the fridge because I was embarrassed by it, I did not have time, and I needed my sleep. So I left Friday morning apologizing for the state of the kitchen, which had dishes piled up on both sides of the sink, empty bowls of dried up oatmeal (uugh) on the kitchen table, a sticky mess of beef stew residue coating the inside of the crockpot, and, well, you get the picture.

I came home to this...

I wish I had a 'before' picture. Not only did she scrub the old spaghetti sauce off the bottom shelf, but she cleaned the entire fridge, reorganized, changed the shelving system, AND replaced the light bulb, which had been out for months and I just hadn't gotten around to screwing a new one in!

And this...

Let's just say that the microwave was not exactly white inside when I left on Friday.

And this...

Apparently my friend Annie has some serious organizational skills. She rocks.

I have felt so blessed by the acts of so many sweet friends, new and old, over the past couple of year. Erica, who hosted an amazingly sweet shower for me before we traveled to Ethiopia in May.

Vanessa, who thought of me when she saw this cross and then bought it and mailed it to me, though we had never met. And then she added to the package one of her daughter's dresses, which was an identical match the the one Rayne is wearing in a referral picture.

Amanda, Vanessa, and Shannon, who read my blog on a few dark days and dropped by with meals...always sure to include dessert.

When I walked those two years feeling alone, I discovered a lot about meaningful, heart-filled friendship. It is so easy to get let friendships fall away or go the way of e-mail and Facebook. Acts of kindness take time in a world where we have none to spare. They take money in a society where we've got much more exciting things to buy with it. They take courage, boldness, and energy that is plain old hard to dredge up during a week overrun with chores, sports practice, children, cooking, and errands.

A couple of years ago, a perfect stranger ahead of me at the Starbucks drive-thru paid for my drink and drove away. That simple act was so unexpected, so appreciated, so meaningful, that I prowled around grocery stores for weeks looking for people to surprise in similar ways.

I would love to hear about a time in your life when a friend (or a stranger) did something unexpected and wonderful for you. Any takers? I'm always looking for new inspiration...

What My 8-year-old Requested for his Birthday

2011-02-15T22:00:00.000-06:00

We celebrated Kai's birthday on Saturday. And Sunday. Because, you see, it apparently takes more than a day to heat a swimming pool when the past week's temperatures were in the 20s. Whoops.

BRRRR. The temperature in the pool was at 78 and still too cold for all of us!

Within a half hour, we were all in the hot tub together.

This year, Kai really cracked me up. We don't do big friend birthday parties yet (we will do them at ages 10, 13, and 16), so we help the kids make their own birthday schedules. This year, Kai could think of nothing he really wanted (???? really???? I could think of a million things I wanted when I was 8!!), so he said all he really wanted was to swim in our pool (which we had not yet done).

It was not just the pool request, however, that surprised me. It was also his birthday lunch request....

I promise he was happier than he looks in this pic.

Egg salad sandwiches and buffalo ranch doritos. Really?? I made egg salad sandwiches once, oh, about a year and a half ago. Noah didn't care for them, but Kai and I loved them. Never really thought about it again, but I guess he remembered.

Incidentally, this year, everyone loved them. MMMMM.

His dinner choice was also quizzical. We have not been eating out much as a family as we wait to close on our house and our money is tight, tight, TIGHT. I was really hoping he would choose Ethiopian food. Or Mexican. No such luck. Golden Corral. Groan. N takes the boys about once a year. That place just grosses me out. Hadn't been there in years, and it has not improved in years either. Of course, I kept all this to myself. He was elated.

Noah took this one, which is why I have half a head. Take a look at Kai's plate. Gag.

My very favorite request from Kai this year was his birthday cake character. N and I make a good team with cakes. I make the cake and ice it, then he outlines a character that the birthday kid chooses, and I fill it in with colored frosting. Typical characters that have been requested: Mario, Spiderman, Tai Lung - you know, super heroes and movie characters.

Kai's request this year...

What a goof. I love him.